Karen Schomaker- Personal Reflection

Have you ever stopped to think about yourself? Who are you? How have you grown and developed over a certain period of time?

I think most of us do this at multiple points in our lives- I know that I do, especially when I hit "turning points" in my life- such as graduation, or the beginning or end to a relationship. A few years ago, when I was just a freshman in college, I was easily influenced by other people's opinions and views- especially my new friends because I desperately wanted to fit in and be thought of as normal. When my roommate talked about how she was an atheist and thought religion was false it made me stop and contemplate about my own views. Although I did not agree with her (there were a lot of things we failed to agree on...) I did start to wonder about why I felt a strong attachment to my Catholic faith.

I am a born and raised Catholic- and growing up I barely questioned it. I went to church with my parents, I went to Sunday school, I learned my prayers and could recite the creed by heart. In middle school, after hitting a rough patch with my family at home, I started questioning religion and God's existence. After some exploration I decided that even if I was wrong, I was better off continuing my faith because of the comfort it provided and the community I was a part of. In high school this commitment continued and I took an active role in my church- specifically by joining a Diocesan Youth Council that met monthly to develop an annual youth convention for the Richmond Diocese. Through this I became part of a unique community, and my peers who were also a part of this council became a strong support in my life.

So why is it when I got to college I was so willing to drop these affiliations? Why did my need for affiliation with my roommate and other friends become a larger priority than the community that I had felt so close to before college? I have no idea, but I do know that I have spent the past four years struggling to recreate a definition for myself and my beliefs. I know what I believe, and I know it's a constant struggle of doubt, but how is this defined? When I get older and am trying to raise kids, what will I tell them? Will they be just as confused as me? Will I return to the Catholic Church for guidance?